A Look Forward.

In the next year, I'm going to start off where I left 2009: constantly seeking the Lord and not letting anything get in the way of that.

I look back at the year and I definitely am not the same person I was on January 1, 2009:
My tastes
my desires
my appearance (I wore earrings in the beginning of the year)
my attitudes
and my relationship with God

all changed within this year.

As the year went on, I grew closer and closer to the Lord. Things in my life changed that caused me to live a life more like Christ.

relationships tailed off
new ones started
my desire to serve God increased as the year went on
not being ashamed of my faith

There was a time when I became complacent in my walk with God and because of that, I ended a relationship. I don't ever want to go through that with someone again. I don't want to bring someone's relationship with God down. I don't want someone to put more focus on me than on our Lord.

I really hurt myself when I did that, but I hurt two others in the process: God and the girl I was dating at the time.
I know for sure that won't happen again.

This year I will strive to become more like Christ. This year I'm going to become a man of God. This year I will serve in God's army. This year I'm going to depend and trust more in God. This year I am going to keep my eyes focused on God and not on my surroundings. I have faith that this year, it will happen because I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

Songs of the Year: Up and Up - Relient K
Cannons - Phil Wickham

"I'm just trying to be a better version of me for You." [Up and Up - Relient K]
"I'm so unworthy, but still You love me. Forever my heart, will sing of how great You are." [Cannons - Phil Wickham]

My Thoughts On Love.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It ALWAYS protects, ALWAYS trusts, ALWAYS hopes, ALWAYS perseveres. [1 Corinthians 13:4-6]

In a sermon I heard a while ago, the pastor referenced 1 Corinthians 13. He said, "Try substituting your name for the word 'love.' Does it work?" When I first heard that, I was floored. I had just gotten out of a relationship and after hearing this, I felt really convicted. I had a desire to change my ways. Change my views on relationships - not only with a girlfriend, but with friends and family as well. Since the summer, I have gone through a lot that has tested my patience, my attitudes, my self-love. And I personally have to say that every time, it has made my desire to change and to love the way that Christ did even greater than before. God is gracious enough to give me these opportunities to redeem myself, to be more like Himself. Even though at times I fail or slip, He's there to pick me up and put me on my feet and tell me to keep going and not look back.

The thing that really hits me hard is the patience factor. Yeah, I want to go jump back into the dating world, but I'm personally not able to substitute my name in for the word 'love.' Yeah I don't like it, but I have to try harder and work at it. It's not going to be easy, but it can be done through the help of God. When and only when He says that I'm ready, then I can jump in, but for now, I have to be patient. I have to be kind. I can't envy, boast, or be proud. I can't be easily angered or selfish. I can't stay mad at someone for hurting me. I have to be rooted in God's Word so much more than I have been. I have to use my time wisely. I have to fully commit to my relationship with God before I can commit to an earthly relationship with someone else. But I do still hope. I still trust. I still persevere.

"It's not so much about finding the right person, it's about being the right person." - Mike Kelsey (8/30/09, 'A Get Together to Tear It Apart' - Frontline Sermon)

BLARGH.

The holiday season is upon us. Tis the start of December. Christmas music all over the airwaves. Decorations coming up. But even with all the fun of the Christmas holidays, there is a catch. EXAMS. I've been in the library every single day this past week and I'm going to try hard to keep it up and stay focused on what needs to be done ATM. Not what will be done.

Lord, keep my mind focused on my studies. With all the free time I have now, I pray that you lead me to use it wisely. Free my mind of any worries, anxieties, and doubts. Father give me the strength to power through these next 3 weeks because I won't be able to go at it alone. Thank you Lord for being beside me all the time. Thank you for loving me even when I fall. Thank you for being there to pick me up again. Thank you. Amen.

I'm ready...

I Turn Everything Over - Switchfoot.

I turn everything over.


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Monday found me on my knees again
Breathing You in
To blur the lines that mark where I begin
And where You end
No use in trying to pretend
Come take me again
Cause rumor has it I'm not who I've been
Come define me

What can we do
If the rumors are true?

I turn everything over
I turn myself in
I turn everything over
I turn myself in
There's nothing left of me to defend
I turn everything over
I turn myself in

The evidence convicts the hollow man
After looking inside
To my dismay I find I'm just one of them
Cause I'm an already but not yet resurrected fallen man
Come break this limbo
And I know You know just who I've been
Come define me

Rumor has it You love me
Rumor has it the world spins upside down
Rumor has it my only hope is You
And the rumors are true
I turn everything over